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Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Learning to say No

I'm a people pleaser.  Seriously.  I walk through life looking for ways to make people smile.

Sometimes that means I look like a fool.  Sometimes it means I do something extremely awkward.  A lot of times it means I put myself on the back burner or play the role of doormat.  Oh, have you seen that one?  No mo'!

Lately I've been practicing ways to say no.  See, it seems like this really easy task, but when you get right down to it, it's not.
I mean, it may slip right out of your mouth easily (I applaude you), but when I go to form the word "no" in my mouth...it comes out more like "nnnnnnyessssss."  Not working for me.

There are nice ways to say no:
"No thank you."  "No thanks."  "I'm not really interested."  "Not right now, maybe next time."  "I'm not available."  "Sorry, I'm busy right now."
Unfortunately a lot of people don't realize you're actually saying no when you say those things.  They actually interpret you as saying, "I really don't want to, but see, you're just so much more important to me than I am that I'm going to do whatever you want so that you are happy.  Forget me."

Yeah, see, that just isn't working for me anymore.  When I say "no" nicely, I actually really mean no.  I know, I know...hard to believe!

So, sometimes, you have to break out the not so nice way to say no:
"No." "Nope." "Nah."  "Negative."  "Not happening."  "Never!"  "Not in this lifetime."
(I've actually never said any of those to anyone in real life, but in my head I've said it lots of times.)

Don't get me wrong, I love volunteering and participating and spending and you get the picture.  I've just recently realized that at times my calendar is overwhelmingly full and its because I'm afraid to say no to certain things!  I need to distinguish between what is good and what is great.  Catch my drift?
Sweater: GAP outlet, Top: Old Navy (old), Jeans: Goodwill, Shoes: Goody's (old), Jewels: Stella & Dot and Lila's Trunk and eBay

So, moral of the story is, next time you want to say no and you're really not sure how...think of this post.  I hope it has provided you some helpful, insight in how to keep peoples' muddy footprints off your face and provide yourself a little TLC.

Being the Yes (Wo)Man gets you great street cred, but makes your life a tad bit too self-less.  Amen?

Do you have a hard time saying no?

P.S. I got bangs.  What do you think?

Helene in Between


  1. 1) you look gorgeous
    2) i am the same way. i have the HARDEST time saying no. it's like, really hard. I'm totally a people pleaser too!

  2. very cute look! xoxo linds {{www.rubygirlblog.com}}

  3. I feel the same way!! I understand girl!

    love your adorable outfit!!

  4. I totally understand, I'm the same way. Sometimes I just feel like I'm being rude when I say no even though I'm not!


  5. We have opposite problems. I can never say YES. haha. That's kind of a joke... kinda of. Nothing wrong saying No, lady.

    Like this: Hey can I have your outfit? Please please please?

  6. Not anymore. Saying yes to everything was hazardous to my health so no felt so good!

    I actually did a blog post on this last year, I think I called it the Art of Saying No...because it is an art!

    Great post.

  7. I totally get this, girl! I have SUCH a hard time saying no and I severely pay for it sometimes with a too-busy schedule. And little to no rest!

  8. I think I'm definitely a no person...maybe even a don't bother asking Shelby person (which makes saying no super easy :))
    but seriously - I think there are pros and cons to both - but be weary as if you're a yes person you always will be - people will keep coming back OR it just makes the no's build up. Little "no's" are much easier than that one big final "no"
    Good luck! xo

  9. GAH, it is SO hard for me to say no, it's awful! This has gotten me into so much trouble in the past - I take on more responsibility and end up stressing out like crazy, or that time this kid finagled me out of $40 for a magazine subscription that I never received, etc.

    Thanks girl, I will be thinking of this post which will simultaneously make me smile and hopefully give me the courage to say NO! haha

    Also, you are adorable with bangs and I love your outfit head to toe.

  10. I totally have the same problem of saying no to people. Very well said, lady!


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