A Love So Big

Confession time:

If you've been around here for any amount of time or if you follow my Facebook page you know that my son is pretty much my favorite part of life.  I mean, life was good, but now it's in HD - you know what I mean?

Being momma is my favorite job.

So, when my husband and I started talking about Baby #2 I was really excited because I dream of a big family sitting around the dining room table, really loud and boisterous, and just warm.  Like Brothers&Sisters type of family.

I wasn't expecting to feel so conflicted when I actually got pregnant.  Don't get me wrong!  I wanted this baby, I prayed for this baby, way before we even started talking about having this baby.  And I'm elated to be it's momma.  But, it wasn't long after I knew I was pregnant that I started having lots of thoughts and questions like...

Is CT ready to share me?

Am I ready to share CT?!

Can I possibly love another human being as much as I love him?

The other day I was at the doctor for an ultrasound and I got to see the baby and hear it's heartbeat and instantly I just knew:

I love this baby.  There is absolutely no question whether or not CT can share me or if I can share him.  This baby is already part of our family and I can't wait to watch CT be a big brother and I can't wait to watch him love his sibling and to watch him be loved by his sibling.

I have shared these sentiments with others and it sounds like its pretty common for mothers to feel this way, to worry.  We're mothers after all.  It's what we do, right?

I think this pregnancy has me more on edge and anxious than my first!  Part of that is because of CT's unexpected early arrival and part of that is because I have a toddler climbing all over me 80% of the day and part of it is just change.  And you know how I feel about change...